Sunday, January 17, 2010

"How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives" - Annie Dillared

Hello blo99ers! It really has been a while since I updated yall on my whereabouts. The truth is it's very hard to blo9 when you have to pay for internet/have limited time in places and infinite things to do. It is also quite hard to not write a ton of stuff that would make this blog rather boring and tedious.

A brief recap of where I've been the past 2 weeks: flew from Madrid to Copenhagen, train to Hamburg, train to Berlin, train to Prague, train to Budapest, train to Zagreb, train to Split where I am currently writing this. It is not tourist season in Split and it is Sunday so everything is pretty tame and closed. It is kind of nice to have some downtime, even though this is not very exciting it sure is relaxing and I am catching up on sleep without having to worry about train stops.

I plan to post something about each city I've been too with pics and make it look all tidy, but part of this is to communicate with you guys while it is all happening and that defeats the whole purpose. With that said here is a brief recap of the best and worst of the trip so far!

Things I have lost/gotten stolen: Shure earbuds left on plane in Madrid, Microfiber quick drying towel my aunt gave me for xmas - left on Train in Prague, small bottle of very strong Absinthe - left somewhere in Prague hostel after drinking one, Tamrak camera case with SD card reader - left outside the Kafka museum in Prague while busy filming movable penis statues. Also on the worst of list is the fact that about 50 or so pictures from Budapest that I took due to a computer/user error have been deleted forever :( I really loved Budapest and this just gives me another reason to go back however and luckily it was the touristy pics that were lost of the castle, the parliament, St. Mattius church, Chain Bridge, and Danube river. It makes me feel better to get all that shit off my chest, next the outstanding moments of the trip.

Copenhagen - Christiania is a free town that used to be military barracks squatted by hippies about 38 years ago. The Danish government/police do not go in here, Christiania has it's own rules. Beautiful graffiti everywhere and the only things banned are hard drugs, violence, stealing, and picture taking. You can't even find pictures of its main street on the internet -Pusher street. My host let me borrow a bike and I rode all over the city in the snow seeing all the majestic sites of Copenhagen and hanging out with hip hop heads. It has also been a record low temp winter in Europe and the lakes were frozen, allowing us to walk and skate on them all paranoid and high.

Hamburg - Incredible music town! Hamburg really is sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The Germans here were really friendly and keen on leaving me with a positive impression of Hamburg. I hit up one of the most amazing underground hip hop clubs I have ever been to in the world, as well as a great reggae dancehall spot as well. Met some incredible people who keep hip hop more real than a fisherman and was just enthused by the great young music lover/subculture vibe that Hamburg has. Definitely regret not staying one more night to see this J Dilla tribute night with 4 DJs but if you want to see great live music in the world Hamburg should be somewhere near the top given the quality and love of the audience no matter the genre. Also, arguably the best graffiti town in Europe yall! I want to write a lot more about Hamburg, but I will just leave you with this funny story...I get in a cab and give the cabby the address to this underground hip hop club one of my hosts in Copenhagen recommended. He has no idea where it is given it's off the beaten path and has to plug it in the GPS. We drive for a while down some cutty streets and I start seeing ridiculously tight graffiti on both sides of the street - just covered with superhero shit and fantastical scenery! The cabbie is like yeah I don't think we are going to find this place and I smile and say oh it's right by here I can feel it. I'll just get out here. He says I don't think this is a good idea I'm not sure where we are etc. I say fuck off grandpa let me out so I can get some ill pictures of this shit. Sure enough the club was around the corner. <3>

Berlin - Hella snowy and cold while I was there just like the rest of these spots. Went to some crazy underground hip hop venues on the East side in what used to be industrial warehouses that are now all tagged up and filling with underground clubs. Really tight just to see dem youfs take ova a run down mill nah mean? I also went to a crazy restaurant here called Nocti Vagus - by the blind, with the blind, for everyone. This place is crazy! You eat in the absolute darkness, you can't even see your hand in front of your eyes! Your waiter is blind and leads you to your table and shows you where everything is. You order upstairs and then the shit is brought to you. I ordered the chefs surprise menu so I didn't know what I was eating until afterwards which was hella fun. The waiters all walk around making noises, clacking their tongues or singing so they don't run into each other. I was feeling around for the food on my plate with my hand just to make sure I didn't leave any delicious bits behind. The dark really heightened my other senses very noticeably and after getting used to the dark it was quite relaxing, you just have to yell your waiter's name louder than everyone else when you want service! As I realized what I was getting into I told the hostess I needed to smoke a "cigarette" before going in. I rolled it in the toilet real quick and I'm telling you being high in this DARK dining hall waiting for mysterious gourmet plates was like being in an isolation chamber with german ghosts who cook excellent food. I topped off Berlin with a trip to the zoo to visit it's famous "used to be a baby" polar bear, Knut, who although large remains very adorable.

Prague - Fckn Prague is that REALLY REALLY hot girl in high school who has been fucked over by so many dudes (Nazis, Soviets, etc) that she is super tentative to open her heart to anyone again. This is perhaps the most beautiful city in the world and given that it is literally the center of Europe, it has seen some really tough days. The Czechs didn't have their own country until 1989! They were rewarded for kicking out the Nazis finally and having a massive party/orgy, to wake up with a hangover 3 days later to be "liberated" by the USSR. There is still a fear of secret police and invasions that is very pervasive and makes Czech people a bit tentative and cold. Lots of backstabbing and spying going on here even as early as 20 years ago. Once they invite you in their house however, they are very friendly and world class. Czech cuisine is simply outstanding and the best food I had never really tasted before! I went to some crazy clubs here as well, bars inside underground mazes, and a crazy industrial, mechanized, seizure inducing club that I have some great footage of. Also met some great people, picked up a Czech hip hop album and have mouth watering pictures of a city that is masturbatorily worthy. Largest medieval castle in the world yall. The castle district is the size of downtown Portland. Will have to update with pics soon I promise.

Budapest - Man if Budapest is not the best kept secret in the world I can't wait to discover what is! Similar history to Prague but Hungarians are a much warmer people who are not so jaded, granted they may not have gone through as much. I had my first sunny day of this trip in Budapest and was comforted to see no snow on the ground. The Danube used to separate the cities of Buda and Pest until they were finally united. Buda is statuesque with hills and castles and monuments (pictures we won't get to see unfortunately), and Pest is a bustling metropolitan hub now. Hungarians are a very proud people and love to boast, with good reason I guess. They invented the ball point pen, the robot, MS Word, have the oldest subway in continental Europe, etc. Budapest is cheap as hell and has great nightlife. Crazy underground clubs, rooftop bars, lots of dancing and partying, lots of young kids, great live music. Budapest probably had the best nightlife since I've left Madrid or Hamburg...it's really close, but Budapest is way cheaper and Hungarians are much better looking than Germans over all. In fact I learned that Hungarian women have a reputation as the most beautiful on the continent, especially in Hungary. After a very long day and night I woke up super late with the worst hangover I've had so far and headed to the Turkish baths. You see the natural blessing of Budapest is that there are 192 thermal streams right there! Even the ducks have thermal water in their ponds! I went to a ridiculously nice bath with about 10 pools, 3 of them outdoor and huge! I have great pictures of them which I again will post, but it felt so good to be in the thermal water that I spent pretty much all day there healing. I left my sneakers by the pool and I swear they were healed too - all clean and comfy and shit again! They had pools that swirled in circles, pools that bubbled under your butt for massage, pools with high water pressure falls to massage your head, neck, and back. I could go there everyday and enjoy my life. They also play chess while in the pool and I was stoked to meet a couchsurfer there. Balazs was a goofy ass Hungarian who seemed really good natured but quirky. His CS profile confirms that with positive and negative reviews. I beat him at chess which pretty much left me elated to enjoy the baths. Oh I also smoked a stupendous joint in the baths, there's hella steam rising up so I just kept it moving in the middle yall! Really loved Budapest and will keep an eye for cheap flights here for a long time I presume.

Split - I had to leave Budapest at 6 am to catch a train to Zagreb, Croatia. Therefore I partied all night in Budapest and was hurting/sleeping on the train. This was not really a problem anywhere else in Europe, but entering Croatia, there were a line of cops knocking on my sleep cabin in the train. I woke up frazzled and first showed my ticket, then they asked for my passport (a first this trip I must add), then they asked me if I had anything to declare for customs - I was like are you serious? When did we leave Europe? The weed and hash was burning a hole in my pocket but I just told the bitch I had bought some t shirts in Germany and she was free to go through my bags if she wanted. They left me alone and once in Zagreb I caught another train to the coastal city of Split where I am now. Split is a very small town without much culture. It is famous for its azure coasts and dirt cheapness as well as the Roman Emperor Dicolecian who built a palace here to retire to essentially. That is in the center of town, "old town" and is surrounded by little markets and pubs. It is kind of cool to see the Roman ruins and the narrow streets where people still live. I got here really late Saturday night so I passed out and needed sleep. Today Sunday I just walked around, checked out the beach and the palace. It is low season so things are cheap but it is kind of cold and there are not too many people out. Also everything is closed because it is Sunday so I am taking the time to write this to say what up to you guys, my fckn N19945! I'm going to go hit up a pub and go put one in the air on the beach to see if there are any late night shananigans. It is not a very exciting place this time of year, but the relaxation and catching up on sleep has been crucial after being overstimulated all over Central Europe.

Tomorrow I rent a car and drive up to see one of the natural wonders of Croatia the Pilvitzche lakes which are gorgeous, then drive back down through Split and along the coast on a windy road towards Dubrovnik in the south. I have to drive through Bosnia Herzegovina where I will most likely have to flash my passport/anus but it should be all good and well worth it if it is really supposed to be sunny and warm tomorrow. From Dubrovnik I will catch a ferry to Italy, then a train to Rome where I will stay with my cousin, who supposedly lives in a castle, Po!

I miss you all very much and hope you are off to a good start in the New Year. Wish you all were here to tug on my weener a little bit, haven't had sex in sOOO long yall! I'm looking forward to seeing all you guys and having a pat farty when I get back!

PS - tell Dan Fowdy to stop tweeting me everyday!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

"The belly rules the mind" - Spanish Proverb

Here are some pictures of food served at my grandma's house... ñam ñam!


That is a tortilla española with spinach and tuna on the right. Bonito (tuna) y patas stew in the middle and Ensaladilla Rusa (Russian Salad) - mayonnaise, eggs, peppers, potatoes, pees, and carrots on the left. In the little tupperware above is Crema de Puerros or leek soup.


Those croquettas are made by crushing the heads of all the shrimp (the body is used for salads and other dishes) and mixing the "shrimp juice" with bechamel. Homemade and SO good!

More to come...

Buen provecho!

"Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action" - Benjamin Disraeli

It has been quite cold since I arrived to Madrid, but in Madrid it rarely rains. Today for the first time in years I actually witnessed una Nevada Madrileña. I walked to the Bernabeu with my Dad and went to a wine store to go pick up some vino for Christmas Dinner. Salud a todos!




Torre Picasso



Cuban Freedom Plaza



Metro Santiago Bernabeu


Giant Wine Bottle

Monday, December 21, 2009

"Drinking when we are not thirsty and making love at any time, madam, is all that distinguishes us from the other animals" - Pierre de Beaumarchais

I received some great news the other day in the form of an email from my former boss. It turns out that a prospective client told him that she will only sign with the company if I receive my commission even though I am not employed - an attestation to our great rapport and the work I put in. I'm sure boss man was red with fury, but the deal is massive and will provide a substantial boost to my nonexistent income so fuck him. Given this windfall and an amazing 6-0 win by Real Madrid to end the year - a match I attended with my pops - I found no reason to turn down an invitation from my French pal, Laurent, to attend a birthday party for his Dominican homey Edu. I twisted up a spliff (gave up looking for my stash), left my house around 1am and got off the Metro at Alonso Martinez and walked to Edu's house.


Melia's other/ghey boyfriend


Hala Madrid! Que bote el Bernabeu!


No one had told me but this party had a theme: American Prom Party. There were tiaras, pom poms, prom dresses, jocks, preps and geeks. The jocks wore Marino, Armstead, and Marbury jerseys. The preps were complete with bleached white shirts, red ties and blue sweater vests. The geeks rocked tight jeans, pocket protectors and classic tape on their glasses. To complete the American diaspora was a beer pong table to my delight. The sign read "Beer Pong Campionship" and the Spaniards honestly sucked pretty bad at this game. The rules were tight though and called for one of the cups to be filled with liquor and other than no bounces, they were identical to traditional Beirut. I said what up to Laurent, his girlfriend Carolina, and Edu, then rushed over to the Beerpong table to regulate. They smelled a ringer immediately and I had not had a drop to drink before getting to the party so I was killing it. The third game I played was close mostly because I had cooled off and my partner was still lacking any skills whatsoever. It came down to one cup each and it just so happened the cup I was shooting in contained liquor. I felt really confident because I have been in that situation all too often: drank too much in a short period of time and my motor skills are struggling, but fully capable of pulling it together for one money shot to end things with a W instead of puking. The Spaniards drank both cups.

Walking away from the Beer Pong table I ran into a guy wearing a fake tattoo sleeve, a Marshall amps shirt, long brown wig, plad shirt tied around his grey jeans, and army boots. I realized I hadn't seen a tattoo since leaving Portland and that the hipsters there wouldn't take kindly to this guy's fggt tattoo sleeve.

Right past the dance floor is a table full of alcohol. In Spain, party guests customarily bring a bottle of liquor to the party; the only reason I think this party had any beer was for beer pong. I made myself a Gin and Fanta Limon and Laurent introduced me to his "geek" buddy Ricardo who probably had the best costume at the party. Ricardo just got back 3 days ago from a trip around the world. He quit his job and bought around the world tickets with his girlfriend including 16 destinations with all the dates flexible. He said it only cost 16,000 each and that flights from Asia to Oceania are super cheap - 400 round trip from Nepal to Sydney. He said that Southeast Asia was tits and recommended Vietnam and Thailand to me. The best part of his story is that his company offered him his old job back as soon as he returned to Madrid 3 days ago.

As we are talking and sharing a spliff a chill dance circle forms around us. In this circle is this girl who keeps giving me the celebrity treatment - trying to look but not make eye contact as she dances next to me. Maybe she was just shy, but this makes me a little uncomfortable because I only have eyes for my baby girl in Portland. I guess this is how girls feel when they are uninterested or have boyfriends and guys keep hounding them. This girl may be shy but she is persistent and inches over slowly. I hear the lyrics "tonight's gonna be a good night" over and over and I keep thinking to myself - not for you girl, sorry. See under other circumstances I would have indulged and danced with her but I was trying to save myself the awkwardness and rudeness it would have taken to walk away from her later. It also did not help her cause that I had just masturbated twice before cumming to this party while Ichatting with my temptress girlfriend in my grandma's laundry/computer room. I had no patience nor interest and just realized that I had not even washed my hands. You feel kind of bad when you just JO'd, didn't wash your hands, and shake hands with guys. Not girls btw, they love the smell and taste of that shit yall! In fact that's probably what was alluring her. I decided that no one here was a big enough doosch to deserve Sailor palm so I went to the bathroom to wash up. I was wrong...

Leaving the bathroom, in the main foyer there are 2 girls and 2 guys trying to calm down a skinny guy holding an American football, wearing beige canvas shoes, and a Bengals jersey. His name is Pau and his name is being repeated over and over to try and get through to him "Pau! Pau! Pau!". Hella funny. This really is an American college party I think as I make my way past Pau through the dance floor and back to the alcohol table. I mix a Bacardi and Fanta Limon, throw in some melted ice, and think about all the goofy pre-fights I've witnessed at parties between two drunk idiots trying to flex. In reality they are ALWAYS crying either for help or for attention because no real beef can really exist between two complete strangers.

I go stand next to Laurent who is playing with the coolest gadget I have seen in a while. It's a circular object with a concave middle that changes multitudes of colors as you scream into it or put your hand into it. It is sitting on a bookshelf on the wall of the dance floor. This is highly entertaining at this point in the evening as we both take turns screaming into it, like a microphone to the beat of the music. "Po Po Po, Pau Pau Pau, Brick Brick Brick!" then air scratching and watching the thing change colors on cue every time you pull your hand in and out.


I finish my drink and head back for a refill. Somehow more Bacardi and Fanta had showed up at 5:00am...
<3 ¡Madrid yall! <3

In the kitchen I find an opened 4.5L bottle of Whisky! It's called William Lawson and is the largest whisky bottle I have ever seen. I pour myself a glass over ice and see another unopened bottle on the ground. Jesus! 6L of alcohol in the kitchen alone, I don't think this party will end in the traditional American style of nothing left to drink. We need a fight to break out in the second most popular ending for a Frat party, a fight. Where's that negga Pau? I think.

Coincidentally I happen across Pau's would-be-opponent. He's a short French guy wearing a tutu with another French guy hanging all over him trying to get him riled up. Homeboy in the tutu is saying it's all good and there's no need to fight, Pau is just drunk. His instigating friend keeps saying "Et Alors?! Et Alors?!" which means so WHAT?! This is usually the sign of a bad friend - encouraging you to fight and putting you in danger over some bogus insignificant shit - as if you have to fight to prove your worth to your friend. I say what up en Francais to ease the tension and tell them both how I used to have a huge crush on Vanessa Paradis until I saw her Martina-Hingis-looking-alien-forehead - or better yet fivehead in direct sunlight. I'm just engaging these guys I have nothing against Vanessa for the record.

I make one last drink of whisky and what I think is an alternative to Fanta Limon, but is instead lemon juice... this shit is terrible! I say peace to Lolo, Caro, and Edu and I hear cries of "Pau! Pau!" again as I'm walking to grab my coat from the bedroom. Someone awoke the sleeping giant. As I'm squeezing out of the bedroom door into the kitchen I knock over a black stool full of drinks -the fullest being my Whiskey/Lemon juice- that go splashing all over the kitchen floor. It's really time to get out of here.

I take the stairs instead of waiting in the elevator with a bunch of fhags and hit the call button on each floor as I run down. A mean-spirited juvenile act for sure but I'm running down these steps in pitch black light and if karma really wanted I could've easily eaten shit, if I deserved it, for my shenanigans.

Pretty epic evening in Madrid minus the past and future JO. Buenas Noches!


Thursday, December 17, 2009

"The palest ink is better than the best memory" - Chinese Proverb

The flight to Madrid went without a hitch. I was entertained by a Scandinavian swimmer who was running game on a mousey Spanish brunette. The flirtation was bilateral and obvious. Eventually the Spanish girl asked her aesthetically challenged friend to switch seats so she could sit next to the blonde Michael Phelps. The lights in the cabin went dim and I was treated to a coach class peep show. The Spaniard looked like she had some talent - thin face and smart glasses. Phelps had curly blonde hair, blue eyes, and a large face with features that were too large to be proportionate from up close, not unlike a basketball player. The kissing went on for what seemed hours until she feel asleep and I kept a close eye to see if they would make a move for the bathroom - they didn't. I figured she might be tuggin' Phelps under the blanket and so I made a bee line for the bathroom to get a closer look. Negative. Poor Phelps I bet he could use a bong hit, but making out with a stranger on an intercontinental flight is nothing to scoff at.

Joan the guy next to me also enjoyed the interaction and we got to talking. He was a headhunter in Madrid who left his job a year ago to start a sports virtual advertising company. Ad Sports has the ability to change whatever banners are at stadiums through an infrared TV feed to replace the ad with anything you may want for a different demographic where the event is being telecast. He has had meetings with Real Madrid and although interested the battle is with the TV stations that own the rights. We exchanged contact information as the plane landed.

As I was getting ready to leave the airport I realized I left my $500 Shure ES530 earbuds on the airplane seat. I talked to as many agents as possible and no one could find the earbuds - either someone pilfered them or the cleaning crew mistook them for $5 headphones US Airways sells. I was livid at the loss and immediately in a sour mood as I was greeted by my parents.


Getting to grandma's I felt better thanks to some genuine hugs from Malela (grandma) and how excited and accommodating she was about me staying a while longer this year.

I settled in and immediately started looking for the stash of nugget I leave myself every year to appease the loss of my headphones. I usually leave everything behind a thick text entitled "Cronica del Siglo XX" (Chronicle of the 20th century) in the mass of my grandfather's books in my room. Last year I had some amazing grass I've been looking forward to. I changed the location of my regular stash due to some snooping by my mother last year and now I can't find it. I keep wishing I left myself some clues but so far it's just a pipe dream... the search continues.



"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Lao Tzu


I quit my easy going, uninspired, lucrative job in Portland Oregon and 2 days later boarded a plane to Madrid in search of something more fulfilling for my life. I am willing to sacrifice the comfort and security of a paycheck in order to seek out a passion that I can dedicate the rest of my life to.